Monday, September 9, 2013

Why Parenting is a Long Self-Depricating and Humiliating Mess or Why is Toilet Paper Fun?

When I was pregnant I remember picking up a random Parents magazine and reading an article about a mother who lost all sense of privacy/modesty after having children. The climax of the story being her son running in on her shower and asking where her penis was and informing her that her non-penis was furry. My naively shocked self was horrified and vowed my soon-to-be born son would NEVER follow me into the bathroom.  Haha. Ha...ha....sigh.

I feel like this last week was the perfect storm for the morning we had. My son had recently mastered not only walking, but days later running. He was enjoying his newly found freedom in the house and I did no not always have the energy to fight him on it. Our house already felt like a fortress of gates that I can barely manage to open and the dog gets locked in between them so often that we resort to closed doors and, well, giving in to allowing him in areas we probably just shouldn't. Not for danger sake but for our own sanity.

After a screaming tantrum that involved throwing Goldfish in Target (I mean, it's Target not Walmart! I swore I would never be that mom - ha! More apologies to parents I have previously judged) I lost my patience and ran him home sooner than I was ready. He luckily fell asleep in the car and I was dying to transfer him to his crib so I could run to the bathroom.Of course the fire alarm in his room was beeping due to a low battery so he immediately woke up and had enough energy for four more hours of fun. I was enjoying my monthly and could not wait any longer and attempted to make a run for the bathroom. As soon as I sat down, I realized I had an audience. Joy.

What I didn't realize immediately was he had seen me open the cabinet door for supplies. He precociously helped himself to the same door (completely out of my reach), and emptied my box of tampons all over the floor. I quickly called him over to distract him from anything else under the sink. Then he noticed the toilet paper for the first time. He grabbed the roll and ran away screaming. Now any woman will agree with me, this is not the time you want to run out of toilet paper. So I'm yelling and screaming in my most pleasant voice, "Mommy needs that, can you please bring it back? Can Mommy have that? Can you share that with Mommy? Can you bring that to Mommy?" He just stood in the doorway with the most devilish grin. Where do they learn that?! He finally brought it back and I attempted to finish my business but not before two little hands and a head are prying my knees apart to have a peek. "No, that's not yours. Mommy needs what's called privacy. Can you find the dog? Where is the dog? Is she in the other room?" Never in his life has he missed an opportunity to find our dog whom he loves (to torture). He finally backed away and went for the toilet paper again. I blocked the roll from being kidnapped again but he caught the end of the roll and realized the magic of unraveling paper. He ran holding the paper and I saw streamers of paper go before my eyes. I quickly decided this was the best option and ripped the end before it all disappeared. At least he left me some this time and I can finish what I need to do. For now.

Did I mention this same day he found a glass and chucked it down a tile hallway for it to shatter a violent death the same exact time our smoke alarm went off because something had spilled in our oven while I was preheating for dinner? Yep, it was that kind of day. I have a feeling this is only the beginning.

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Wednesday, April 17, 2013

Product Testing

So I am a complete sucker for freebies and samples. I signed up to be a product tester with This site lets me test products that I fit a profile for that are new on the market. For example, my first product was the new Campbell's Slow Kettle Soups. Smiley sent me a full-sized soup of my choice, cozy socks to enjoy comfort with my comfort food, and a stack of high value coupons to share with friends and family. This in exchange for my honest feedback.

Now I'm on two different missions, one as part of a test audience for the new NBC show, Ready For Love (have you watched it yet??!). and the newest one I'm the most excited for is coming in the mail in a few weeks. I get to test six different Seventh Generation products! That one may get it's own post :)

It's super fun and little to no work from me, I just give feedback for doing things I do everyday.

If you're looking for more info, check it out here:

If you want to sign up, click here: signature

Thursday, March 14, 2013

Starbucks Ban

To the employees and patrons of the rest stop Starbucks, I apologize. Your bathroom will never be the same. A six hour road trip with a seven month old did not go as planned and all hell broke lose at your establishment. As a loyal customer, I appreciate your willingness to spare my dignity and pretend nothing happened. However, I await my letter from corporate asking me to kindly not return ever again.

Your biggest hot chocolate fan and most embarrassed patron ever,


What prompted such a letter? A simple rest stop back in February. All was well, driving to my brother's house to meet our new niece. We stopped for some coffee and hot chocolate (seriously, order with some cinnamon dolce in it, you will thank me), and to give Will a break.

I left hubby and mom in line to order and took Will for a quick diaper change. I was so excited about the changing table and that I would not have to hide him in a Burger King booth, that perhaps my mind quit working at this point. Diaper changed, and it occurred to me I also had to go.

It was a small one room situation so I had the bright idea I could strap baby onto the table and just be quick. He immediately started reaching for me so I grabbed the first thing in my diaper bag I could reach in order to distract him. Unfortunately, this was a spoon. Second horrible idea.

All of a sudden I hear this horrible choking noise, and puke started spewing out of my baby's red face that was filled with tears. I realized he was aspirating and jumped up and grabbed him. While this was the right thing to do for Will (who was fine), when I jumped up, my cell phone went flying out of my pocket and landed on the floor in pieces. My pants were around my knees and every surface, he and I were completely covered in puke.

I was now too afraid to put him down or really notice my pants, so I did what any logical human being would do, open the door and talk to the nearest stranger. Right? The dignity of motherhood. I kindly asked this gentleman to flag down my mother who walked in hysterically laughing and almost slipped in puke. We cleaned what we could and twenty minutes later sulked back to the car.

Next time we road trip, dad is in charge of diaper changes.

Monday, January 14, 2013

TP Roll Decor

It's never a good idea to call your husband a hoarder (esp. when he's not) for not wanting to throw away old magazines. You can try giving him an explanation that you are a "minimalist" and that you must have no unnecessary clutter in the house, but eventually he will find your secret stash of toilet paper rolls in the hall linen closet.

I fancy myself to be "green". I'm not, but I like to imagine I am. We recycle the same as anyone, but that's sadly about it. So when I see all these ideas on Pinterest of how to reuse toilet paper rolls, I think, "I'm so green and crafty, I can totally do that!" Well, I didn't do the grand project that I wanted to, but I did finally use them! (some of them, I still have a stash, just don't tell David).

For my 30th birthday party, I wanted a pink party. I'm surrounded by boys now and wanted pink and glitter. So I took inspiration from the following:

And I came up with this:

It was more time consuming that I imagined (aren't they all?), but ended up being pretty easy and looked the way I wanted. I cut the rolls with scissors pretty easily in about 5 sections and hand painted them (it was raining for days so I gave up on spray paint). This was the most time consuming. Once they were dry, I hole punched and strung them on cheap thread I had lying around. I hung them from Command hooks and voila!

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